An Odd Habit

We had our basketball banquet this evening. As usual, my friend Josh (seen photobombing this pic) and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves joking around with our team and their families. I could never say it enough, but we had an outstanding group of young ladies this year and we both loved them and were very proud of them.

It is customary in Texas, I have come to find out, that girls WAY over do it for banquet, wearing fancy dresses and inviting dates, almost as you would for prom and homecoming. As such, it is an occassion for many photographs. Looking back through them, I realize that a harmless little tendency of mine is starting to become an unusual habit: I do not smile for photographs. I mean, I will smile, but it's a goofy smile. Or it's exagerated. Or there's a cheesey pose. Or I accompany a funny smile with a stupid thumbs up. I never really take a good photograph.

This has been common practice for quite some time, and it bears looking into. Why not smile? I know my wife gets frustrated when I TRY to look dumb in pictures. What's the reason? If pressed, I think I can find a couple reasons. One I must blame on "Scrubs." In an earlier season, Brendan Frasier plays Dr. Cox's brother-in-law, and he has a habit of snapping photos on a Polaroid at odd times. When questioned, he responds that posed portraits always seem fake. I liked that. It resonated with me. I would always much rather have a candid shot than a smiling portrait. But given that people repeatedly ASK me to be in photos, the stupid expression is my way of fighting the system. In addition, I think some of it may have to do with my coming to grips with my own attractiveness. Sure, it's vain, but I have always thought of myself as an attractive person. But nothing will cure you of that faster than hanging around someone whom you are always being told is actually good looking. Girls will tell me all the time how hot Josh is. Personally, I don't see it. But it's kind of like playing on a team, and after the game is over hearing a teammate recount the outstanding exploits of another player, and then having them turn and say, "Oh...and you played well too." Only no one ever says, "Oh...and you're not hideously ugly either." I don't even have a back-handed compliment come my way. So it begins to dawn on me, you see, that I must not really be that handsome after all. And when that happens, well there are two ways to go: fight really hard to prove that you ARE good looking (and usually end up looking worse for it), or concede defeat...and settle into your role as the goofy-looking one.

This seems to make sense to me. Heather is WAY more attractive than me, so I can never look better than her in a picture. The solution: look like a mildly retarded chimpanzee. What's that you say? Josh is the cool one? Allow me to pose as a giddy stroke victim. Pretty soon, it just becomes habit.

A Further Explanation

Not long ago I wrote about my intentions to be more disciplined. The actual trial period was not as intensely disciplined as I would have liked, but the goals themselves helped to bring improvement in each target area. In that previous post I said that I would share more at a later date. Apparently, the date is later.

One goal was to draw daily. I did not do this, but I did complete several drawings over the course of the month. Since I normally paint, it was enjoyable to return to more simple drawings. Here are a couple.

My art history class (of 7 students, by the way; on a side note, I have been told by the assistant principal that, due to my recruiting efforts, 58 students will be taking the course next year) has been asking repeatedly for me to make a t-shirt design for the class (many AP classes do this, I guess). Since I love designing t-shirts, I was excited to do it, but it kept getting put off for more urgent matters. However, I was able to create this hip-hop Buddha during my February Challenge. The idea came from a class discussion of Indian art, and while studying traditional images of the Buddha, we contextualized classic lakshana into their contemporary equivalent: elongated ears (indicating royalty) became gauges, the ushnisha (the bump on the top of the head, indicating spiritual vision or guidance) became a Tupac-like front knot of a bandana, the urna (the "third eye" of spiritual sight or enlightenment, represented as a tuft of hair between the brows) became a Little Wayne-esque tattoo, the mudra looks like flashing a gang sign, the mandorla holds graffiti, etc. etc.

A student in one of my Art 1 classes did a drawing of a character he created, "Disco Dolphin." From this drawing came a class discussion/brainstorming session wherein we created a list of other musical style animal mascots. At the top of the list was "Techno Tarantula." They asked me to create a version of this character, which I happily did. I still have to color it, though.

A second objective was lifting weights with the goal being to lift a woman above my head. This was because my friend Nikki Hervey and I were preparing for the annual Prom Fashion show. This year our friend Taylor talked us into doing the final dance from "Dirty Dancing" as a memorial to Patrick Swayze. After all the preparations to do the final lift, we did a dress rehearsal in the theater and were reminded that the side aisles actually slope up, making the lift all but impossible. We sort of did a lift, from the stage, but it was very tentative (Hervey not wanting to fall, and me not wanting to drop her) and brief, as Hervey explained to me at the moment of the lift that she forgot to put on her spandex undershorts beneath her dress. You can see the video (thought not of great quality) of the dance here. And here are some pictures for your enjoyment.

All of this happened close to a month ago. Since that time, my time has been preoccupied with VASE (Visual Art Scholastic Event)--in which I had two students advance on to the state level (so I'll be traveling to Galveston in two weeks)--and SAW (Student Appreciation Week). SAW is an occassion that occurs every 4 years at CHS (so that every students who graduates will have been a part of one) and it involves teachers taking extra time and effort to show the students that they love and appreciate them. We decorated our doors, raffled off prizes, brought in a DJ for a double lunch period, and culminated the week with a pep rally (run by teachers, using teachers for entertainment). I was involved in two projects for SAW: video announcements and step team. Each week broadcast journalism students do a video segment for the Friday announcements and they include school announcements as well as skits they do for weekly projects. Last year the seniors were clever and did some funny things; this year....not so much. So along with my friends Josh and Bobby, we endeavored to show the students how it's really done. Some of the segments were just nice and sentimental (teachers and principals thanking students and telling them they appreciate them), and others aimed to be funny. Josh and I were the newscasters on our own version of "Weekend Update" on SNL. We filmed a commercial--based on the original "Charlie's Angels"--for an upcoming dodgeball tournament. But perhaps the most successful of all was our Ghosting video (which, I'm proud to say, has already had 5o some views since it's posting last night). It started an instant sensation, and I have been told that students have already gotten in trouble for trying to ghost a janitor on campus, and the CHS girls track team competed in ghosting matches between their races at last nights meet. We would love to take all the credit of course, but the idea came from the Australian TV personalities Hamish and Andy. Still, it's brilliant and we're glad to be a part of helping it catch on--at Central High School and around the world. (I'll try to post the Charlie's Angels commercial soon, but for some reason I don't have a copy on my computer right now.) The other effort I was involved in was the CHS Stepperz. We had several practices to learn the routine (including practice over spring break) and I was also able to design our t-shirt. When the big day came, we were received with rousing ovations from the students and the performance went pretty well. Again, I regret that I don't have the video of the routine, but as soon as I do, I will link to that as well. For now, here are pictures of our outfits.

We crept into the gym through fog, looking like this.

After we were announced, we took off our hoodies and performed the step.

My codename was "Thanatos".

I had to tat up for the event...you know...to stand out a bit.

The little details are so important and prove that you are pure darkness.

What Makes the Muskrat Guard His Musk?

I just watched an episode of one of my favorite TV shows, "Community." In this particular episode, Joel must confront his self-imposed impossible standard of being "special" when he discovers that he's really not that good at pottery.

What I find to be particularly accurate is the depiction of the way we attempt to avoid our inadequacies. There are two things that I think are absolutely essential to living my life: being close to Jesus, and painting. I realize that when paired like that it sounds silly, but since I feel like I have some gifting and some passion to paint, it seems imperative to do it. (And I single these two things out because they apply to what I'm saying; I do not mean to imply that being a husband or father is not important.) At the same time, while they are essential, they are often the things about which I feel the most apprehension. For instance, I had a whole week off from school this past week. For the first two days, I worked for hours on end to clean up and rearrange the studio. Sure, there is a practical point to it, and it will enable me and inspire me to work in the future, but I could have finished a painting this week. Instead, I keep a streak going wherein I haven't painted for something like four months. The fear is this: being out of practice, I will struggle to get the feel and the look I want, and failing to get the look I want is missing the mark on something really important--it is personal failure. There are many quotes that deal with this, and I'm sure I've mentioned it before but to be an artist is to be bold and fearless. Sometimes, like now, I feel unequal to the task. It's easier to plan for future projects than to actually work on one now. In all honesty, I'm afraid I'm just not that good.

The same goes for being with Jesus. At times I fear he'll ask too much of me. At times I fear I'll make progress, only to become selfish again, and then feel like I've let him down. When these feelings build, it's easier to avoid him than to spend time with him and feel like a failure.

So the conclusion of this post, the benediction for my day, and the prayer I must utter is, "Be strong an courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Father give me courage.