When I was in junior high I loved comic books. They were one of my main artistic influences, and for a time I thought that "when I grew up" I would be a professional comic book artist. Then, in high school, the Superman "S" became a convenient emblem for a warm-up shirt I wore to track and field meets. It was convenient because it could have stood for Shelby...but really, it was my way of expressing to everyone how great I thought I was.
The "Superman thing" became something of a gimmick, and provided easy presents from friends in high school and college (I remember receiving Superman lunch boxes, puzzles, mugs, etc.). I still clung to what was really my own ridiculous identification with the Man of Steel: I was invincible.
But I remember reading a graphic novel called "Kingdom Come" when I lived in Saint Paul. In it, Superman retires permanently to the Fortress of Solitude after he was unable to save Lois Lane from being murdered. The story deals with former heroes--disillusioned, washed-up, burnt-out, exiled--and the aftermath caused by their absence.
Since that time Five for Fighting has sung, "I can't stand to fly. I'm not that naive. Men weren't meant to ride with clouds between their knees. I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, I'm more than a pretty face beside a train and it's not easy to be me." Lazlo Bane sings, "I can't do this all on my own, no I know I'm no Superman."
I have come to realize (and this is really no great shock) that I am not, in fact, Superman. Just as society has started deconstructing the myth and looking at how hard it would to be him, I have seen my life experience tremendous challenges, and I have experienced my own weakness and inability to do the right thing time and time again. Superman may not even be a superman, and I certainly am not.
Disappointed? Sure. Clouds cleared from my eyes and able to see clearly? Absolutely. Hopeless? Hopelessly uncool, hopelessly flawed, hopelessly frail, hopelessly needy...but not without out. Because I am unconditionally loved, I am irrevocably saved, I am endlessly strengthened, I am constantly facing death so that Christ's life may be made manifest in me. Even if all is stripped away, including the Superman machismo, it is well with my soul.
3 comments:
I appreciate the sentiment. So I won't argue with you. At the same time, I think it is appropriate for me to praise you for the many good (even great) things you do and are doing! Hang in there. This is God's idea to bring glory to Himself and to teach us how to appreciate Him.
DA
I was listening to a song on the radio on the way home what was expressing essenially the same thing. But then it ended with the phrase, "Any doubt that You loved me was settled at the Cross." We are "something" because of Him and that is such a blessing and a relief. Know what I mean?
jka
I appreciate your candor (and the vintage 1997-98 photograph). Superman may be just a myth, but it's a powerful metaphor -- all the more powerful when his vulnerability can be exhibited.
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