Seated and Drawing

I haven't been able to paint recently because my common practice is to stand while doing so and standing has been something of a chore of late. In the early days of the injury it was fine for two reasons: 1) I was too uncomfortable to feel like doing anything productive, & 2) I hadn't really painted for about...hmm, let's say a year....so it's not like I was breaking some great streak by not painting. But I have 4 days of school left, so there's very little to do in terms of work-related planning, and I am still largely immobile (although I've been doing some rehab-type stretching and strengthening to bring back my range of motion) and that is a great recipe for wanting to do something creative.

So I present to the world my two most recent creations. Both media are outside my norm. Both are mostly for fun. But most importantly, both could be done while I remained seated with my leg slightly elevated.

#1--The 4-2-1 T-Shirt Design

I don't know if I've written about the 4-2-1 Tournament before. It is a fundraiser for the CHS girls volleyball program in which each girl recruits a team of four guys who pay to play in a tournament conducted on two playing surfaces: court and grass ("Four men, Two surfaces, One Champion."). For the past 3 years we have had the same "coach" from the volleyball team. I say "we" but that has really been very fluid each year, but we still use the same name regardless of who is on the team: THE FIGHTING UNICORNS. The Unicorns played without me this past weekend.

A lot of times I am asked to come up with designs for t-shirts related to various events or causes around campus. I made the 4-2-1 shirt two years ago, and it's production got me thinking about other ideas I could use in the future. I kind of like the idea for the artwork shown here, and the drawing itself didn't turn out too badly. I created it using Adobe Illustrator, with which I am far from proficient, but using it to create things like this has made me better as I go along. In the end, the girl who asked me to create a design apparently waited too long, and so it wasn't used for this years t-shirts, but at least I'll have something ready for next year if they need it. If not, at least I enjoyed making it.

#2--Customized Shoes

We got Heather a pair of TOMS for Mother's Day, and while I was paying for shipping I thought I'd get one for each of us. The great irony is that Heather's were too small (despite the fact that I ordered the size shoe she typically wears) so she was the only one who is still without a pair. I haven't been able to wear mine, due to the elephantine proportions of my left leg, so they have sat in my closet, hidden in their little bag, preserved in pristine whiteness. I'm really into wearing white these days, but I knew I wanted to "modify" my TOMS in some way. So they sat...and I sat...and I finally I came up with an idea. This weekend I completed their creation. The images here show 3 phases: original, artists conception (done in Photoshop), and final version (Sharpee on shoe). The inspiration for the art comes from Tlingit and Haida tribal art--Native American tribes from the North West coast of America (and southwestern coast of Canada). I have always thought it beautiful and simple. I chose to make the top of the two shoes slightly asymmetrical, with the left depicting an eagle and the right showing a raven.

The inside of the shoe (seen above) differs from the outside, but I feel like they compliment each other pretty well. Aydan sat by me last night and helped me deliberate on the choices I was considering, and I was really impressed by his visual reasoning and his strong sense of what made a good design. I then based by drawing on the Photoshop mock-ups I created, but made some slight adjustments for scale as I went along. Again, I'm pretty pleased with how they turned out.

I've also made some trips out to the studio to work on a colored pencil self-portrait that's been sitting around since I started it as an example for what kids were to be doing in class (back in November, maybe?). So even if I can't finish the still life painting that I have set up in the studio, I can tie up other loose ends and get back into the creative swing of things. In a way, it's preparatory for the painting. That's a good feeling as we head into summer and what I hope to be a more artistically productive time.

Two-Tone Toes

Depending upon how much I've been on my feet for school during a day, my left foot can swell to humorous proportions. But even when I keep it wrapped and stay off of it for the most part it still retains a curious appearance: it's a different color than my other foot. Sometimes it looks red, other times it seems more purple. I'm assuming it is still lingering, accumulated blood that pool in my extremity and the bruising that resulted. All this leftover bruising and swelling is still working its way back into my body to be done away with. That's what I'm telling myself to avoid being concerned that I have duo-tone feet.

Today brings the 3 week mark since the accident. That means I'm halfway through my recovery in a worse-case scenario. Also, I'm only a week away from complete bone fusion in a best-case scenario. That has given me more liberty to try putting weight on my foot and attempting to get a full range of motion back in my knee and ankle. Before, I was worried that too much exertion of my leg could slow the bone healing, but now I'm assuming that has gone well and I'm starting a moderate, self-initiated rehab/phsycial therapy plan. So far it has gone well and things are actually starting to feel like I might be getting better.

Currently

I just finished a book called, "Unbroken." Brutal. Moving. Beautiful. It took me three days to finish. You should read it if you get a chance.

Largely due to "Unbroken," I've recognized my own self-pitying attitude. I see that I've been someone selfish and neglecting of others. I'm worrying less about getting back to walking immediately. I'm resting (the book also helped keep me in bed!). I'm calling friends to see how they are doing. It's a good shift.

We have great friends, Kyle and Joanna. They are the only couple we go out with, and they are awesome. We recently went with them to the House of Blues to see The Decemberists. I've really been enjoying their new album, and hearing some of the songs performed live added a personal connection to them. One song I already loved has become, perhaps, my favorite song right now (rivaled only by "Helplessness Blues" off the Fleet Foxes new album): "January Hymn." Again, if you get a chance, you should check it out.

Finally, as my independence has shifted to dependence, my schedule has changed to become more like my wife's. Since I can't rise and walk the dog like I normally do, I sleep in later. Therefore, I end up staying up later at night. I wait on people to give me rides to and from school. I adjust what I do to what other people are doing. It's a weird feeling.

Staying Home Sick

Since the last time I posted, I have spent another day at the hospital (making sure I had no infection, complications with surgery, or blood clots) and have stayed home an additional two days. Today marks my eighth consecutive day away from school. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you, but the days do not get better and better.

So I was sitting at home today, wondering why I was not enjoying the "time off." In my calculations, I came up with several possible explanations, and in reality, they probably add up together.

1) Volition--to take nearly two weeks off from work because you want to, that's a vacation. To take nearly two weeks off from work because you are physically incapable of going....that sucks.

2) Duration--when I stayed at home in elementary school (and I'm talking about the times I really was sick--not the times I faked it) it was usually because I puked in the morning. But as I've seen in my own kids, and seem to remember in the distant past, usually puking in the morning gives way to running around and laughing in the evening. I couldn't end ordeal if I wanted to.

3) PAIN--I'm honestly trying to remember another time when I've hurt like this. Having time on your hands when you're just sitting around in pain is all kinds of terrible. It makes everything worse, since you think about all the things you COULD be doing with the same amount of time off when you are healthy in body and undistracted by hurting.

If there was a bright spot to my day, however, it was that all this thinking about sick days when I was a kid brought back the things I loved about staying home.

1) Toast and Cocoa--I wish I felt like getting up to make myself some, but I remember fondly the days of eating while staying home sick from school.

2) TV--I'm not a big TV guy. If I'm able to be out doing other things, I really don't like to watch TV. But I have been enjoying watching season 1 of "Scrubs" and season 2 of "Arrested Development." In addition, today I took myself back to the days before digital media and watched the shows I loved to watch as a kid, sick at home.

Bob Ross: "Happy little clouds". Sweet afro. Soothing voice. Need I say more?

John Robbins: You may not recognize this name, but you might remember the show. I think it is interesting, and not coincidental, that my two favorite shows to watch when home sick were about painting and drawing (stories).

Other: I came across old theme songs and fun/weird shows we used to watch.

3) Rest--As much as I hate to say it, at least I don't have to be at school suffering, nor do I have to be at home resting AND having my pay docked. I'm very fortunate to be able to rest and recover in peace and quiet, without fear or anxiety about how I will afford it. As a kid, it was always just kind of nice to have a break from the routine. I guess that's a kids version of rest.

Double Dose of Daily Doings

I can't really tell you why I thought I'd be ready to go back to school yesterday. Or today. Or tomorrow. At this point--and with many friends and family members telling me, "Don't push it! Take your time! You shouldn't even go back this week!"--I'm ask myself that question? Why did I think I'd be able to return so quickly?

Maybe it was pride. Maybe I was trying to look tough. Maybe I was just really naive. I know the thought DID cross my mind: "It's ONLY a broken leg." Then after a couple of days I was struck by the thought: "Oh yeah, my leg was in two pieces. They had to do surgery to put it back together." I started understanding that surgery (which is a whole different ballgame) does knock you back a lot more than a sprain or break (which is the only mental framework I had to compare it to, or by which to prepare myself). It seems really obvious, but maybe it needed to be experienced in order to be understood.

In any case, today--just as I thought I was improving--my ankle started to hurt more. The swelling has yet to go down. Worst of all, when I took my temperature it was 100.8--dangerously close to the 101+ that serves as a sign for possible infection. I called the surgeon and he advised me that an emergency room trip was not necessary, but that I should come to his office tomorrow. So I'm out again tomorrow.

And at this point....maybe for the week.

Daily Dose

I never thought I'd say this, but sitting around doing nothing for a week can really take a toll on your body. Weird pains and aches have developed, and they're almost always on the injured side, so it's very hard to stretch or bend to relieve them.

So I have my little friends to help me.

The two items at the top--a cotton ball with alcohol and a syringe--help my body reduce the chance of blood clots. These are self-administered, so I get to stab myself in the stomach twice a day.

The big white pill is Calcium. Hopefully it will help my body knit the break back together.

The little, circular, yellow pill is a muscle relaxer. I get to take this three times a day. I haven't counted the pills that remain yet, but it looks like within a couple days I will have worked my way through that non-refillable prescription. From that point on, I hope my muscles will stay nice and relaxed for me.

The two pink pills are Benadryl. They gave this to me at the hospital because of the following (oft-repeated) dialogue):

Me: "Why does my skin itch?"

Nurse: "Where?"

Me: "Everywhere. All the time."

Nurse: "Oh...it may be a side-effect of the pain medication."

I'm not sure if I've adjusted to the pills or if the Benadryl is really working, but I'm not as itchy anymore...and that's a good thing.

Finally, the two oblong, pale yellow pills are hydrocodone for pain. I try and resist, holding out 5, 6 or even 7 hours before taking the next dose, but it's pretty common for the pain to start creeping back in after hour 4 (listed on the prescription as the minimum amount of time that must pass between doses). I'm going to try go back to school tomorrow, and if I make it through the day, it will only be because of these little beauties.

Follow-Up

It's been some days since I posted about my accident, so I thought I would give an update.

At first I was optimistic that I would go back to work tomorrow, but now I don't think it would be such a good idea. There is still a lot of pain, so I'm still having to take a lot of meds, and those meds lead to a lot of drowsiness. It's just a bad combination of factors that would make it hard for me to be a decent human being to the people around me.

I've been telling people recently that the break doesn't bother me at all. The bones are held in place by gigantic pieces of metal. My knee is the biggest issue. Don't be deceived--ramming a metal pipe through the knee and into a bone is not the gentle, harmless procedure it sounds like. Oh, wait...that's right: it sounds about as bad as it feels.

I'm trying to keep my leg elevated more today, since yesterday I went to the boys' football games. I am finding, however, that no matter what I do, or how I try to be careful and take care of my leg, it's always going to hurt anyway.

But enough of all that. I feel like I'm whining, and I don't want to do that. Below, I've posted some pictures of the broken leg, sans bandages. They may not be for the faint of heart, so if you vomit easily or pass out at the sight of blood and gore, you might want to stop reading here.

Here you get the overall idea of the amount of swelling. Not pretty.

This picture shows where the incision was made on my knee to insert the rod. Notice the awesome staples holding me together.
Lots of bruising here. If you look at the left side of the leg, above the yellow gauze, you can see a bright red bump. These are a series of blisters, my doctor told me, that come from the bone rubbing against the skin from the inside. Apparently I was very close to a compound fracture.
Here's a side view of the same area. You can see the blisters again. The gauze is covering two other stapled-shut incisions where the screws were put in. Those cuts are still oozing blood, so I have to keep them wrapped. Gross, huh?

So there you have it. You can see why mobility is such a difficulty with all the swelling. I'm hopeful that it will go down in the next couple of days so that I can return to work.

The Morning Commute

I typically (though not always) ride my bike to school. This morning commute keeps me healthy, keeps my pocketbook a bit more full (having to spend less on gas), and keeps the planet a bit healthier, even if it is only a small reduction in carbon emissions. Today, an unprecedented event occurs "on my way to the office."

I will first point out the ironic first lyric to the song I was listening to: "I am at ease...." I was very peaceful, enjoying the cool morning (the fourth of it's kind in a row). I had made it about three blocks from my house, riding just outside the white stripe of the 2-lane, 30 mph speed limit road. The park was on my left, and residential streets passed on my right, marking each block. As I crossed the fourth street, I noticed that the car in the oncoming lane of traffic began to turn. I can't recall if his blinker was on, but I was alarmed because I was already half-way through the intersection when he began to turn. I looked through the windshield and saw that he was not looking at the road (I honestly think he was texting). Since he couldn't see me, I began yelling as loud as I could and tried to get out of his way, veering further to the right in the intersection. It was no good, however, because he did not square off his turn, but cut through all four lanes (his original lane, the lane of oncoming traffic, the right lane of the intersection and headed for the left lane of the intersection) and struck me as I was 3/4 of the way across the street. His bumper hit my left leg, and the force of the impact (as I said, he took the curve pretty flat, so was still probably going 10-15 mph) flipped me over, and in the air--upside-down--I saw my bike shoot out away from the car that had just hit it. In a split-second, I landed on my head, trying to brace myself with my hands. Fortunately, the young man, a high school student (not MY school, though) did stop. I had come down on my left side and was lying on my stomach. After a moment of trying to collect myself, I rolled over onto my back to sit up. I had a sickening feeling as I watched the upper portion of my left leg swing around, but saw the lower part, just above the ankle, drag limply behind. The kid got out and started apologizing, saying he didn't see me, but all I could do was tell him (and I think I actually said it fairly calmly), "You broke my leg. You need to get me to a hospital." The homeowners on the corner of the street came out and called 911. A vehicle following behind me on the road pulled in and waited with me, offering help and ultimately giving his statement to the police when they arrived. I was helped over the sidewalk, spoke briefly to the police, and was then placed on a back board and had my neck put into a collar and had my head taped to the board.

I'm thankful that I was wearing my helmet, because it prevented the situation from potentially being much worse. I'm thankful for the EMT's and their treatment of the situation, ensuring that I wouldn't have any further injuries and taking all necessary precaution. Still I was fairly confident that everything was fine, except for my obviously broken leg. CT scans and X-rays confirmed what I was feeling, and even before I spoke to the doctors, I was betting I would need surgery. This was confirmed by the orthopedic surgeon.

So now I sit and await surgery, which will likely be this evening or tomorrow morning. I will have a titanium rod inserted into my tibia, and the lower portion of the broken bone will be screwed into the rod, as will the upper portion, thereby uniting them to heal. Essentially, it will be like a cast on the inside of my leg, instead of the outside. The benefit is a shortened healing time, and the doctor said I might be able to walk on it as soon as 2-3 days or 2-3 weeks (depending on how my body heals). I was very surprised to hear that I won't be receiving any other additional form of splinting/casting. The surgery will take care of it all.

I've included some pictures, though they hardly tell the story in all it's gruesome detail. I WANTED to take a picture of my foot all askew as I sat in the intersection, but alas, it did not happen.

The splint that keeps my leg from freely flopping around.
Some scrapes from bracing for impact.
Apparently my face made contact with the pavement as well.

Please don't worry about me. I am doing fairly well. As you pray, ask for justice and provision (I haven't spoken to the young man's insurance company yet, but I want to ensure that they will be paying for all the costly services to come, including a night's stay in the hospital).

Wisdom and Folly

"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet

than a house full of feasting with strife."

(Proverbs 17:1)

I made a huge brunch spread to follow-up our sunrise service this morning. I viewed it as a family celebration. I worked hard to make things everyone would love. I wanted it to be perfect.

Basically, it was all about what I wanted.

Twice, Heather hinted that she wanted to get things started, and I brusquely put her off. I could try to spiritualize it and say I wanted to focus instead on the sunrise service, but that minimizes my bizarre insistence on selfish control.

It's odd, isn't it? I wanted to celebrate Easter--the risen Christ! I was VERY excited about that meditation and reveling in the joy of it. I thought that the great food would only heighten that festive atmosphere. The terrible irony is that what we want is not always what we need.

I'm sort of wishing we had made toast this morning and been done with it. There would have been less contention and more focus on Jesus. Maybe that will be the new family tradition: "peace toast" for Easter breakfast. It certainly seems a lot wiser to me right now.

Thought I'd Toss Up a Comment

This Lenten Season has been good.

Unfortunately, I wasn't particularly on top of my dates (which is really nothing new), so I was already halfway through Lent when I decided I wanted to make the most of it. But when I decided to focus on Jesus and draw near to him, I must say that I have enjoyed the company of his presence.

I cannot say I've heard the audible voice of Jesus. I can't say I've felt a warm, tingling sensation indicating his presence within. I've seen no miracle, heard no band of angels, tasted no divine manna. I've just prayed in the afternoon.

That may not seem like a big deal, but I think I've struggled with prayer all my life. How can you ever tell if you're "doing it right"? And I don't think my prayers these past couple of weeks have been "good" or "right" or anything special. They just keep me coming back to God. Sometimes it's as simple as saying "hi"; just checking in to let him know I'm thinking of him. But that reminder throughout my day, especially when I'm used to rushing around and forgetting about him, has been particularly sweet.

I hope I am not bragging. I want to be celebrating and declaring that God is true when he says, "Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you."

Yours, Mine and Theirs

It all started with Justin.

Justin is Brennan's friend, and he came over to play today. All day. And that's not a bad thing: he's a great kid, the boys entertain themselves better with friends over, and Aydan likes Justin as well, so it's kind of like tossing another little brother into the mix.

Then, we wanted to get together with Heather's friend Carrie. She has two daughters, and they also brought a little friend. So now we have three boys (10, 7, and 7) and three girls (11, 8 and 8).

The suggestion was made that we go play volleyball. So we called Justin's parents to come along, and invited our neighbor Chris. After volleyball, we all came back home to eat, talk and hang out. Justin has two sisters. Chris has a daughter. If you're keeping score at home, the total is now three boys, six girls (the new three being 10, 10 and 4).

Because we are a home based on gender equality, we had to even the score. (Actually, that's not true--boys always outnumber girls here, even if you count Lulu; and the real reason for the next addition was a pre-arranged sleep-over scheduled last weekend). For a short time, Aydan had gone with his friend Nick to watch his younger siblings, James and Antoine, play football. After the game was over, Nick (10), Tink (11), James (7) and Antoine (6) were added to the fray. That adds up to a grand total of seven boys, six girls.

So you may be asking yourself, "Why, after a day of being scorched by the sun while watching two football games, running yourself ragged by playing volleyball for a couple of hours, and then talking with friends over the din of 13 children racing around the house, are you still awake?" The answer, dear friend, is that I am waiting for the time to come when I can tell the seven boys (who are still here, after everyone else has left), sleeping here for the night, that it is time for bed. That hour is 11:00 pm, and it has just arrived. Please excuse me--I'm going to announce "lights out" and get some needed rest.

Share in the Blame

I remember when Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair" came out, she was ridiculed in online comments. There were comments on the poor quality of the song, its repetitive lyrics, its incongruence between her age topics in the song, etc.

It has become a meme, a trending topic, a fertile ground for vlog parodies (and even late-night TV spoofs).

Now Rebecca Black has released a truly terrible song, "Friday." It's ridicule is more singular: everything about the song, video, quality of the singer is terrible. I find it interesting that there are no comments this go-around about kids acting like adults. No one is asking, "Why is an eighth grader singing about waiting for the weekend so she can go partying? Why are the kids in the video dressed like they're going to the club...when they're only 13?"

But can we blame the kids?

Viral videos. "Jersey Shore." Twitter. Facebook. Internet sensations and immediate access to limitless information. Hip hop megastars (like the Black Eyed Peas). Tween stars (like Justin Bieber). Boys bands (like N*sync). Divas (like Brittany Spears).

We've come a long way from Zsa Zsa Gabor. Andy Warhol looks like Nostradamus. It's not just Paris Hilton anymore: now EVERYONE is famous for being famous...for an INCREDIBLY short period of time. Charlie Sheen can't get done sounding like an idiot before Gilbert Gottfried is fired by Afflack. And notoriety is based--in an inordinate amount of cases--on being stupid, of poor quality, or pure controversy. An unknown child is known by millions...because she's horrible. Infamy is the new fame.

And we are all to blame. We watch, transfixed and bleary-eyed; the blue light of our monitors the only illumination we ever see. Our culture is getting dumber. With the Enlightenment, we stopped reading intensively (like the works of Shakespeare, classic mythology, and the Bible) and started reading--and watching--extensively. Anything, regardless of how inane it is, is now worth our attention. So Rebecca Black is worth the attention of millions (even if they're only making fun of her), but this girl is buried in a column on the final page of the newspaper (wait...do they even make those anymore), if she's even mentioned at all.

It's fascinating and sad. I'm going to go watch TV to try to forget about it.

Give Me a Break

So Spring Break is a relaxing time. The weather is nice. We have a week off from school. Beautiful and soothing, right?

Well, in the past three days I have trimmed the pampas grass (a little late in the season to do it; still, it needed to be done)--and let me just say, if you've never wrestled with that nasty plant, you are missing out on a treat: it tears your flesh just walking up to work on it--as well as mulching the landscaping beds. I also raked the yard (for the second time this year) thanks to our "evergreen" Live Oak trees, who never lose their leaves entirely, but like to make an early spring shedding of their previous generation. I did a fair amount of shopping, and then spent the better part of today completely rearranging our house. Apparently, the haircuts which make our boys look older planted a notion in my wife's head that they need their own bedrooms. So we dumped out the contents of all our closets, got rid of what we didn't need, shuffled the contents of the boys' room, and got it all done just to have dinner at around 8 pm.

If I sound bitter, I am not. I feel very productive. It's just like a taxing vacation: I hope that soon I am able to get a break from this Break.

Heirs' Hair

I often bemoan the fact that Texas is so warm, but on days like this, when I think of all the northerners longing from a break from their 30-50 degree weather and how they long to come here to soak in the 70's during spring break I realize we don't have it too badly.

Yesterday the boys both received haircuts that are more fitting for these warmer days. Brennan seems almost unrecognizable to me at times, since this is the first time in his life he's had anything other than long hair. I know they are growing up, but it's amazing to see how much older they look with their new 'do's.

Break/Broken

"Staring in the water like Aesop's foolish dog

I can't help reflect on what it was I almost lost

What I thought I wanted, what I got instead

leaves me broken and grateful"

So the day began, with this melody in my head (though for the life of me I can't remember how it came into my thoughts). But that was when it was still school time, and now it is Spring Break time. So this evening, with time to spare and break just begun, I concluded a long meditation on brokenness.

I just finished reading "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. I won't get into what put me onto this trail, but it was a silly whim. However, I soon found I had the book already upon my bookshelf, and had no more started reading it than I instantly began to love it. It is a wonderful tale, and at its heart lies what we think we want, what we get instead, and how those things leave us changed, broken...and better (not in spire, but) because of it all.

I won't trouble you with a book report; or should I say, I would hate to deprive you of the pleasure of reading the book yourself because of my excessive, in-depth analysis of its plot. It is enough to say that I wish to be like Pip, and that is to say, I want to be like the Prodigal. I want to come to my senses and appreciate what it is I've always had--not chase after all the things I hoped would come to pass. When all is said and done, there can be nothing finer than a simple, honorable life. And it is here now, if only it will be grasped. I don't want to look ahead, or abroad, or about.

This may not make any sense. I'm not sure I'm helping myself make sense of it as I type. I only know that I am welled up with feeling. There are moments when you see how close to have come or might have come to utter destruction in your life; to be broken and thank God for the breaks is what makes the present moment so full of joy.

The (Deplorable) State of the District

I went to Aydan's open house last night. We were encouraged, by the principal, to come early to hear a presentation by the assistant superintendent of the district on the current state of financial affairs. Having heard much already but wanting to clarify some things in my mind, and having missed a staff meeting earlier in the afternoon that dealt with the same subject I decided to go. I wanted to have a clear picture of the state of our school district.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is not good.

After our Federal Stimulus money runs out this year, we will face a $16 million deficit. Sure that's bad. Sure, it comes after years of already "tightening the belt" and so there is little left to cut but personnel. Sure, that's bad, but maybe not so bad right? A person here, a person there. Hopefully I'll be alright...right?

The presenter went on to explain how a Tax Ratification Election could produce an amount (neatly) of around $16 million a year. Just when things start to sound hopeful....

Did I mention that the state of Texas is facing a $20 BILLION dollar deficit this year. They are almost certain to cut educational funding. That means the $16 million we were facing could look more like $38 million.

And heads will roll.

To make up for that deficit, there might be a 1 in 5 lay-off rate. Budgets for programs (like fine arts) will be slashed. Positions in every department of every campus will be eliminated. Coaches will lose stipends, and coaching staffs will lose personnel. It just might be that I am doubly doomed.

We try not to take this too seriously, for after all: who knows what will happen? Heather and I feel confident that we have proven our worth to our campuses. My friend Josh and I joke daily about getting fired. It seems a better solution than sitting around crying and worrying. Humor lightens the situation, but does not make it go away.

Certainly, I will not be angry if you read this and decide to pray for us. We need as much help as possible. But we are content that God will provide, just as he's always done. If nothing else, he will provide opportunity to learn to lean on his staff and rod.

King of the Jungle

There's this old Steven Curtis Chapman song called "King of the Jungle", and it is running through my head right now.

Well the day has just begun and I'm already running late

with too many irons in the fire and too much on my plate

I'd be pulling out my hair if I could just get one hand free

and I'd stop this world if I could find the key

My week hasn't even begun, and I'm already feeling buried! I took yesterday off to paint with a friend, and spent the whole day today with my family. It was refreshing and restful. But I know tomorrow I have to get back to the grind, and there's so much to do that, as I began to think about the upcoming week, I realized I was already double-booked for 8 a.m. tomorrow morning! Let's hope that's not a foreshadowing of things to come.

A Brief Thought

If you're considering making a cookie pizza, and you think about stuffing an entire jumbo-size roll of store-bought cookie dough onto the pizza sheet, don't do it. The flames from bits of dough that have flowed over the sides of the pan and caught on fire at the bottom of the oven will then consume the rest of the cookie pizza baking above it. Even those parts not charred by the flames will have an odd mingling of sweetness and smoke when you taste them.

You may have guessed by now that I just foolishly did such a thing, and you would be right. In fact, I think I might need to go outside (at least it's 70 out there) to avoid excessive smoke inhalation.

The State of Music Today

I'm not one who frequently posts links on my blog, but this one might be worth it.

If you're not familiar with Willow Smith and her "Whip My Hair" song, the video will not be as funny. Nor will it be as funny if you don't realize that what you are watching is in fact Jimmy Fallon impersonating Neil Young. In terms of impressions, it ranks just behind Larry Norman's take on John Wayne as a Roman Centurion.

Enjoy!

A Sea of Pages

I've been reading a lot more lately. Perhaps that's why I haven't blogged in a bit. But, to be fair, I was blogging at an insane pace for a while there, and it was mostly due to all the snow days when I was sitting around with nothing to do. But back to books. The list of what I am currently reading includes:

1) The Bible
2) Sum (David Eagleman) A neuroscientist give 40 snippets on what the afterlife might be like
3) Severe Mercy (Sheldon Vanauken) The story of a love...not a love story.
4) Rigor is Not a Four Letter Word (Barbara Blackburn) A book study for AP teachers
5) Never Work Harder Than Your Students (Robyn Renee Jackson) A book study for any teacher at CHS
6) An Arrow Pointing to Heaven (James Bryan Smith) Biography of Rich Mullins

For a while there it seemed like I had sort of forgotten how enjoyable reading can be. I should probably focus on one at a time, but I'm never quite content with that. For all my complaints of being busy, I guess I enjoy having much to consider and many ways to engage myself.

With the end of the season this past week, there was a let-down in many of my activities or goals for this year. I struggled to draw daily. I lapsed in my 6-week goal toward 100 consecutive push-ups (though this was also due partly to frustration, as I know I am not on track to make it). I slept in. I basically shut down.

But this week, I must prepare students for their upcoming art show. I have to continue to work and improve in all those areas of my life that I reflect on and think, "I could be better." It won't be easy, but I'm sure it will be good.