Several weeks ago, two sixth grade boys confronted Aydan after school. They asked if he liked what happened to his bike, and it just so happened that when Aydan left school that day he noticed the someone had cut slits into his bike seat and handlebars. As he told the story to me, I was very impressed and extremely proud. He said his friend Nick told him to hit them, or do the same thing to their bike, but Aydan said that would be "cruel" (his word). He went on to say it wasn't worth getting into trouble about something as little as a few cuts on a bike. I was amazed at how clear-headed and mature he was. It isn't as though he doesn't care for his bike; he has a nice bike and really enjoys it, going so far as to "trick it out" with colored grips, brake line and chain. So I'm very pleased with how he handled himself.
Today they struck again. This time they cut little nicks on his brake line, and snapped the zip ties that held the line to the frame of the bike. This time he chose not to go to the Keller Pointe (our local gym) after it happened, because he just didn't want to deal with those guys. Again...wow.
But as pleased as I am with my son, I am furious with these boys, a year older than him, that keep vandalizing his bike. The Jesus in me says I should try to understand, be kind and overlook such small offenses. But there is a part of me (the part of me that gets indignant and combative when people talk around me in the movie theater) that wants to find those kids and smack them silly. I knew new stages would come into our lives as the boys got older, but I couldn't have prepared for this. I hurt for my son, I'm angry for him, I want to fight for him, I'm scared for him . It's startling to find how much I love him, and what feelings well up inside...the thoughts of what I would do...thinking about if anyone were to hurt him.
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3 comments:
Ugh... This kind of stuff troubles me, too. What kind of (social) consequences might there be if Aydan were to "tell" on these goons? What they're doing is clearly a form of bullying -- even if it hasn't come down to physical altercations yet -- and I can't imagine the school wouldn't have a policy on how that should be handled.
On the one hand, you could think about turning the other cheek to your (Aydan's) aggressors... but on the other hand, you could look at these as a couple of pretty young kids who are displaying what are basically sociopathic tendencies that are probably not being corrected by their parents or authority figures (either assuming that they're not aware of what's happening or they're even subtly encouraging it in some way) -- and if they're not dealt with now, they could become a lot worse somewhere down the line...
It's not easy stuff, though. I feel for you.
There's got to be a place between taking it without comment as a "good Christian", and beatign the kids up--perhaps something like, after clearly documenting the facts, asking them to restore the losses monetarily. I agree wtih Eric that we don't need to cultivate a couple more sociopaths. Right now the subject of bullying is "in". Whether it's this physical assault on Aydan's property or taunting of a gay kid somewhere, bullying is wrong in both occasions. It's time for adults to stand up against both. I think there's a time for "turning the other cheek", and there's a time for discipline to preclude future misbehavior.
I wish there were easy and "safe" ways to do this so that you don't inflame the situation (if only you pre-knew what the parents are like)... Maybe it's time to simply get to know the parents and feel things out. That along is a proactive step of not leaving Aydan hanging over and over again so that he becomes a social misfit.
I'll be praying for you as my son and a father and Aydan as my grandson.
When I told Grandma Jan about this blog, she immediately wanted to go down there and beat up those thugs that are picking on her grandson!
Her more sane input was to go to the police to establish a preliminary report without naming the perps.
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