"Is There Anything I Can Do For You...Today?"

As it often works in my mind, there are several thoughts (and one is from a movie; another from a song) swirling in my head and mingling into a unified whole.

Every New Day (Five Iron Frenzy)
When I was young, the further I could reach was not so high, then I
thought the world was so much smaller feeling I could fly
I believed in what I hoped for, and I hoped in things unseen
I had wings and dreams could soar
I just don't feel like flying anymore

When the stars through down their spears
watered heaven with their tears
before words were spoken
before eternity

Dear Father I need you, your strength my heart to mend
I want to fly higher every new day again

(Man versus himself, man versus machine, man versus the world, mankind versus me
the struggles go on, the wisdom I lack, the burdens keep piling up on my back
so hard to breathe, to take the next step, the mountain is high, I wait in the depths
yearning for grace and hoping for peace, dear God increase)

Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again
Jesus Christ light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever
Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end
Here's my heart, let it be forever yours. Only you can make every new day seem so new.

How much good can one man do? Depending on the intonation, that can sound like a question posed from a defeated perspective. I mean, really, I'm only one person--what can I really accomplish?
But from another point of view, it is a question touching on possibility: how much good can one man do? How many opportunities are out there, if I just watch for them? How many times a day am I presented with the possibility to treat someone with kindness, to give of myself, to act on their behalf because they are more important than I am?

I don't know if I need to tell you this, but I'm a very selfish person. I spend most of my day thinking about how I can make my life easier, how I can shirk responsibilities in order to pursue pleasure, how I can find enjoyment rather than fulfillment. That drives me crazy! I would think that by this time in my life I would understand that fulfillment always trumps all those other petty things, but then I wake up the next morning and spend the whole day yelling, "ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!!"

I love the movie "Groundhog Day." I started watching it again the other day on, you guessed it, Groundhog Day. I just finished it up tonight, and the point of the movie struck me in a particularly poignant way. The only thing that broke the monotony of the day was caring for others. The only way out of desperation and depression and loneliness and a lifeless existence was to live for others. Phil spend all his time (in the first half of the movie) tyring to enjoy every sensual pleasure. Then he tries to manufacture love (and, basically, tries to get in a girl's pants). Finally, when all hope is gone, he stops and articulates what he finds beautiful about that girl he is chasing: she is kind and good, treating others well. From that point on he thinks about others, bringing them gifts, encouraging them, helping them when they're in need. He stops living for himself and starts living for others, and in that moment--in living "in the moment"--he finds that he is truly happy.

This is a profound thing. I find that days seem to pass without number, that I go through the motions, that each day is the same, old, same-old. I long to "fly higher" with every new day.

I've been reading about Rich Mullins in this great biography on his life, "An Arrow Pointing to Heaven," and I was reminded about "the wreckless raging fury that they call the love of God." The grace and love of God are so great they go beyond our understanding. To be completely honest, I really struggle to believe that I'm worth receiving them. That was my prayer as I walked the dog this morning: the day was still wrapped in darkness, but the early morning glowed in the cover of freshly fallen snow, and as it fluttered down on me, and as I made fresh tracks in virgin drifts, I asked for belief in pureness and newness like this morning. I want to believe that God gives new beginnings, but I've asked for so many I feel like I don't deserve another. What it comes down to, I realize, is turning my attention FROM me and TO my wife, my kids, my students, the neighbors, and all the people who cross my path that need Jesus's love.